People are very angry about this salad

Call it roughage rage!

It’s the biggest scandal to hit salad since Paul Newman’s dressing was discovered not to be low fat. A new so-called salad phenomenon, dubbed “hand salad,” has taken alternative facts to epic proportions, just when American morale couldn’t sink any lower.

Bon Appétit recently posted a salad recipe that entails romaine leaves, arranged on a platter, alongside a bowl of garlic-yogurt dip. Most of us would call this “lettuce leaves, plus dip” or, if feeling fancy, “crudités.”

Essentially, putting hand to lettuce is caveman-style dining, but Bon Appétit is trying to pass it off as “hand salad.”

In the tense day following, the once-esteemed Bon Appétit has been forced into the witness protection program. Internet trolls are wilting like iceberg on a hot summer day as they fume about this insult to greenery as we know it. Experts predict this major plant faux pas will send vegans into the arms of an old foe: a greasy burger, or as Bon Appétit might call it, “hand burger.”

Metro UK isn’t taking the new dining entry well:

“But it’s not even a proper salad, with different types of vegetables and deliciousness. It’s literally just romaine f***ing lettuce leaves and a fancy dip. That’s it. It’s not even crudités and dip. Just sad, lonely lettuce you must dunk into a sauce. Bon Appétit describe ‘hand salad’ as an appetiser for a dinner party. Bon Appétit are out of their f***ing minds.”

Some salad purists have become outright defiant:

Even Bon Appétit’s own mystified staff is deliciously piling on:

The hand salad backlash also inevitably took an X-rated turn:

Lettuce put an end to this “hand salad” thing now, before it’s too late.

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